Guilt
by xxredemption-love-and-liesxx
Summary: Killing him was one thing, but killing them? That hurt. The worst part? They used his body to kill them—his powers. The very powers which were used to fight, as well as protect the ones he loved the most. / G-Cc, after DBS 61.


**Guilt**

 **Summary:** Killing him was one thing, but killing them? That hurt. The worst part? They used his body to kill them—his powers. The very powers which were used to fight, as well as protect the ones he loved the most.

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 **H** e decided to return home during their half day rest.

He was pretty sure his wife was starting to worry after him, and it would probably get him in the good books with her if he were to return before she started looking for him. There was also the fact that… well, he had to make sure that they were okay. While he had not seen their deaths—the _other_ Chi-Chi and Goten—before his eyes, he could imagine it. He could imagine the ways they were taking down by the imposter—his clone, Zamasu.

Rage had filled him when he heard his beloved family had been slaughtered _practically by his own hand_. _Literally_ by his own hand. Only difference was that his 'heart' was not in that body. … That thought did not make him feel any better. Really, the only kindness he had been given—well, the _other_ him—was to have not seen his family be slain. Yet, they had to be killed anyways.

Goku had never really thought that far ahead. He did not really think his family had been in too much trouble, after all, _that_ Zamasu was in that specific timeline before he could cause any real damage. At least, that was what he expected.

The rage he had felt during that particular moment reminded him of the same feeling he had felt when Krillin had been slaughtered right before him. However, rather than anger it was _raw pain_ that coursed through his veins and allowed him to become seemingly stronger for a short moment. Goku guessed now he _really_ understood what it was like to get _that angry_ and only think of ones mate and child. Vegeta had never really allowed him to know all that much about that feeling, seeing as it was, well, Vegeta.

As the saiyan soared through the air, he found himself thinking further on what had happened. Black and Zamasu were powerful beings who were in sync with their fighting patterns. That alone made them difficult to fight and defeat. Plus, the added on fact that one of them was immortal. The other? Goku guessed that he had about the same strength of _living_ that he had. It astonished him further that the two were able to fight him and Vegeta so easily, even when the two had attained their god forms. Even Trunks would have had issues, with that _other_ form of his—Goku still is not sure if it was super saiyan blue, or a variation or even something else altogether—he did not really have the time or the uh, intelligence to think that far ahead. He was sure Trunks would explain the feeling, and he and Vegeta could confirm its use.

His thoughts went back to his family… they were safe, right? Black would not come here just to… kill them, would he? It would not surprise Goku in the slightest, and it _kills him_ that he cannot just stay here and stay close to his family. The saiyan part of him screams that is a bad idea, and that he needs to fight—that he would be better off to conquer Black rather than wait for him to come. That attacking him head on was a better defence than a literal defence.

Then again…

Could Black just come here when they were in the future? Probably. The time ring allowed him to enter… time rifts… or something. Goku did not understand all that much, but he understood enough to know that thanks to Trunks' time machine, Black could appear whenever he wanted pretty much. There was sure to be enough of… whatever it was… to allow Black to come back, and kill his family. He probably would do it slow just to make it even worse, or even _feign_ to be him. It would not surprise Goku in the least, as Zamasu having Black state what he did was simply a way to injure him further. He was smart enough to know that much.

Finally, he could see the tell-tale lights of his home as he slowed his fast pace as he landed right in front of the door. Before he could even make his way to the door, the door was slammed open, and there before him was a fuming Chi-Chi with a spatula in her hand. Unlike what he was used to, her long hair was down and fell heavily around her—it made her seem like a goddess rather than a housewife—not that he thought his wife was _anything_ like a _normal housewife_. She just looked extremely different now.

Oh, how he wanted to hold her.

"Where the _hell_ have ya been?" the fiery woman snarled, walking towards him and poking the spatula against his broad chest.

"Uh," he scratched the back of his head absentmindedly as he realised that Chi-Chi probably had no clue where he had been. Lie or not to lie? Probably best to the tell the truth, especially if she finds out… "To the uhm, future. Uh… Trunks showed up—like big Trunks, not _little_ Trunks. It's pretty hard to explain…" Goku whined more so near the end, clearly not wanting to talk further—he hoped she would pick up on this.

For the moment, she seemed to be processing the information she was given—her angry look fading away to thoughtfulness before it returned to rage once more. She jabbed the spatula against him again, gritting her teeth. She eyed him down with her stunning onyx eyes. She opened her mouth before closing it again, and then swung her arms around him, clutching him close to her.

He had not expected that…

While she was not _that_ strong, he could feel how tightly she was hugging him. Goku was sure that she would have crushed someone who was not as trained as he was. She was a warrior, after all. That alone made them pretty compatible. He always wondered what it would be like for her to reach limits like saiyans, if that had ever been accessible for humans. Too bad it will not be a reality he will see though.

"G—Goku! Why do ya _never_ tell me when ya out? Can't you even pick up the phone!" She hissed near the end, and he knew she was still mad, but gladly accepted the embrace she has offered, breathing in her natural scent of cinnamon and vanilla.

"Sorry, Chi," he breathed softly, lowering his head to kiss her cheek before he reached a hand up to stroke her cheek.

She seemed surprised by this gesture, and looked away for a moment before leaning in and kissing him. … He could _not_ live without this, he decided right then and there. The gentleness of her touch was something which was precious to him, and even more so now. Allowing himself to indulge in her kisses, he groaned softly when she pulled away, smiling softly. However, when her eyes met him, his feelings must have been on the surface, because the smile was ripped from her expression instantly. She looked him over intently, looking for injuries and all that… When she found nothing (thank Dende for senzu beans!), she stared him in the eye again.

Goku dropped his head, not really liking the way she was looking at him, but could not stop himself from peering at her beneath his messy bangs. She ran her fingers through them, trying to look at him properly again, but he grasped her wrist.

"Goku…" the dark-haired beauty whispered, stroking his cheek, "What's wrong? You're never like this when you come home…"

He glanced over at his mate, allowing an easy grin to cross his features as he gently directed her towards the door. He wanted to just… get inside and rest for a moment. There was no need for these questions, and he hoped that she would _stop asking_ questions he did not want to answer. He knew how stubborn she was, however.

"Goten in bed?" Goku asked, looking around for his little boy—he wanted to see the kid too, and practically promise that he will not allow him to die—not again.

Chi-Chi had followed Goku in and let a little 'mm' when he asked. He turned to face her again, and saw that her expression was downcast as well. … He had affected her. Why did he allow it to show? He could have had a smiling and fiery Chi-Chi—the one he loved seeing. This… This was the expression of a woman who was upset—sad—he had seen it on her face too many times, and nearly always the night before he tells her he would be leaving. Did she think he has given up hope—that something horrific was going to happen?

He pulled her close once more, trying to comfort her. He could… just tell… he supposed, but… Would she be mad that he had not protected them? He sure as _hell_ was mad about that too. How could he even start?

"Please, Goku," her voice murmured as he felt the tell-tale signs of tears against his chest, "tell me what happened…? Your face, I don't like it…"

He ran his fingers through her long, dark mane. She always cried too easily when it came to him. How many times _had_ she cried over him? He was never really the greatest husband or father, always vanishing to fight some unknown enemy. He _knew that_ , but he could not stop it. He could not do a damn thing, because of the saiyan blood that runs through his veins. It was… terrible. Yet, he realized that… Chi-Chi and his sons were not out of reach of his enemies, even ones he—at the time—did not know he had.

"Long story, Chi," the saiyan said back, grasping her hand now and pulling out of the hug, to link their fingers, "But… if ya want, I'll tell ya."

She nodded, clearly wanting to know what had upset him so much. She cared too much in that way, Goku decided. The woman led him through their small home into the living room and sat him down, with her opposite him. He kept their fingers together, not liking the idea of being separated from her.

He explained the situation to her—with Black coming from the future and having his body, and how the truth came out about that further on. He told how the two fiends were wreaking havoc in Trunks' timeline. However, he paused when it came to what was really annoying him—Chi-Chi noticed, peering at him with great interest.

"We'd been fighting for a while, and Zamasu and Black had me pinned up against a wall. They were… really strong… I swear that Black himself was getting stronger. Zamasu mentioned somethin' about what Black had done when he had gained control of my body. You… and Goten saw… Goten obviously had grabbed you when I was a different person, and yeah… Black showed up. He killed me off first from what Black said, before turnin' on you two. I couldn't… do a damn thing 'cause by then I was already dead…" Goku whispered lowly, his voice uncharacteristically breaking around the end.

Chi-Chi had her hand over her mouth before she reached in and tugged Goku close. He fell to his knees before her—as she was sitting on the coffee table. He wrapped his strong arms around her, letting out a soft breath as he clutched her close—as if she were the only thing on this planet that mattered. Right then and there, she really was.

"He… He used that against me… knowin' he'd get some sorta reaction outta me," Goku said, his voice thick with sorrow, "He did, Chi… It pissed me off, you know. … Don't think I've lost control like that in a long time. Yet, he was _still_ fuckin' strong enough to take me down—take Vegeta down. Trunks… huh… who freakin' knows how the kid's doin'."

Chi-Chi allowed him to get his feelings out before he swallowed the lump in his throat and allowed himself to look at her. Unlike him, she did not have tears in her eyes. She just… seemed… like she wanted to comfort him. That… it did not matter what had happened. It made him feel bitter vile rise, before he swallowed _that_ down too. His eyes narrowed before he closed them, letting out a sarcastic huff, then reopening his eyes and allowed a harsh smile to cross his features—something that he did not usually do.

"Worst part is that it was technically _me_ who did it," he unfurled their fingers, showing his rough hands to her, "I killed the both of ya with these hands!" Goku snapped, his voice becoming hoarse with anger and self-loathing, "I practically killed ya… I can't fuckin'… I wouldn't _do_ that, but it doesn't change the fact that I—"

She pressed a dainty finger against his lips, hushing him instantly. She stared, her onyx eyes filled with their usual light rather than the hatred he had been expecting (and somewhat hoped for). He had not been able to save _them_ had he? Would he even be strong enough to protect them now? The thought hurt so damned much. He knew that she could not hate him over it—he knew how selflessly she loved him—but _he_ could hate himself for it. Very easily.

Taking a heavy breath, she pulled her hand away, opening her mouth to speak: " _You_ didn't kill us. I know you, Goku. You wouldn't hurt anyone important to you—at least, not meaning to. He _meant_ to hurt you, Goku. Like ya said, he was just lookin' for a reaction from ya. And he definitely got it. Plus, he would have wanted you to be _hurtin_ ' if ya survived again—which lucky for you, ya did," Goku knew that last part was more of a threat from her end, but did not do anything about it, "The way I see it, it really wasn't you. It might have been your body, but not _you_. You wouldn't have done somethin' like that, never. I know you Goku, and you're not a person like that…"

Goku let out a sigh before pulling her to him again… He supposed she was right, but… Her blood technically stained his hands, as did Goten's. He supposed she did not understand. How could she? She is not in the same situation. There is just no way for that to be understood _like that_.

"You're my _mate_ , Chi… it hurts… so fuckin' much, knowin' that I—"

" _Stop_."

She ran her fingers against his torn gi, looking up at him. His eyes narrowed before he sighed, deciding to argue with her against this would not be an argument he would win. He was sure—positive—that he would not forgive himself for what he did, but he was better to just… _ignore it_ so it did not affect her. It would hurt her if he kept this up, Goku was sure. He caught her hands and kissed them before pulling away to give her some space.

"Goku… have you eaten in a while?" Chi-Chi asked, looking him over—this conversation was obviously over, but he was sure that it would be brought up again sometime in the future.

He shook his head instantly, feeling his stomach gurgle at her mentioning food. She smiled brightly, kissing him again before making her way into the kitchen, with a hungry saiyan fresh on her heels.

.

"G…Goku?"

The saiyan looked over at his mate. He was sitting in the armchair which was placed besides their bed. It was usually used to hang up clothes. Goku had been unable to sleep. Closing his eyes just made… the thoughts come. He was not sure how he would react in bed with his mate if he were to have a nightmare. He _could_ accidently kill her. Then her blood would _really_ be on his hands. He was not going to risk it. Never.

"Hey, sorry for wakin' you up, babe," he said softly, "Uh… must be weird? No, I wasn't watchin' ya before you ask."

She did not seem to find it funny, so she just stared blankly—sleep making it harder for her to process what is going on. She swallowed a sigh before dropping her head slightly. Her onyx eyes were still on him, and she already knew what was going on.

"You're still feelin' bad over it, aren't you?" she asked, pulling herself out of bed to stand in front of them, arms crossed over her chest, "I've told you. It wasn't you."

Goku let out a bitter chuckle, "Ya seemin' to forget that it practically _was_ me. Why can't you see if how I see it?" he asked, his voice rough.

"Because I know you wouldn't do somethin' like that!" Chi-Chi shouted before covering her mouth, "Don't you get it, Goku? I _know_ it wasn't you. Hell, you didn't even _see it_ , did ya? That Zamasu guy will get what's comin', I know it—and I _know_ you won't let anything happen to us in the meantime, and if he does? You'll probably unleash a hell onto him that will make him wish he were never created… but for now, Goku, ya need to know that…" she leaned in, popping herself into his lap—she knew he would be able to hold her weight… "… you are _not_ the guy who killed us! The only common thing you two had was the same body, and we _both_ know what matters most is what's on the inside."

The saiyan looked genuinely shocked as he stared at her, his dark eyes filled with an emotion which Chi-Chi could not begin to understand. That was something extremely rare for him. He tugged her close, Chi-Chi letting out a whine when he clutched her too hard (he softened his embrace instantly).

"I'm… I love ya so much, ya know that, right?" he asked, kissing her again.

The two stayed in silence, with utterings of 'I love you' from Goku's end. Their tranquil silence was interrupted when they heard the door open and the little murmur of, "Okaa-chan, otou-san?"

Goku's dark eyes instantly flitted into the matching set his son had. Really, it was like staring into a mirror when Goku stared at the boy. The only difference was that his nose was more like his mothers, and his features were softer to such a slight extent that really only saiyan eyes would pick up on it. Chi-Chi hopped off of his lap before beckoning for the child to come to them. He walked over, his bare feet padding against the cool floor.

The child looked to be in quite a fluster: his hair stood up in a more spikier fashion than it normally did, and his eyes had heavy bags beneath, showing that he had just woken up—no doubt from his parents talking quite loudly. Plus Goku probably accidently flaring his ki, as _well_ as the fact of amazing hearing. Goku would not be surprised if his son heard most of the conversation, but the child probably did not understand the context of what was being said.

Goten looked up at his tall father before dropping his head, "W—Were you and Okaa-chan fighting?" the boy asked, sounding to be quite distressed—the child was sensitive towards both of his parents, even more so than Gohan had ever been.

The two exchanged glances before shaking their heads. Technically it was more of a heated discussion rather than a full-on argument, but the child did not need to know that. Goten would automatically assume the worst. Odd, seeing as the kid could be quite optimistic at times. Goku blamed it partly on his involvement with Vegeta when he was younger (and before Goku had been brought back from the dead, and _realized_ that he had another child—how he had not known, he did not know).

"Oh… well, you two were being pretty loud," Goten said, rubbing his eyes and yawning loudly—the boy padded over and glanced at his father, "Ah, Otou-chan… how're ya?"

Goku could not help but smile at the child's behaviour, "Ah, alright. Just uh, fightin' myself, y'know."

Goten did not bother to try to understand and instead hugged his father, welcoming him home and telling him goodnight before saying goodnight to his mother and heading off to bed again. The child did not need to be told to go back to bed. It seemed that being woken up at—a quick glance of the alarm clock allowed Goku to know that it was—three in the morning.

"Come on, try and get some sleep, Goku," Chi-Chi mumbled softly, "You're going to be exhausted if you don't."

The saiyan nodded, agreeing with his wife and hopped into bed with her again, finally allowing his eyes to shut with a final word of: "Goodnight, Chi. I love you."

He was out before he heard her reply.

.

 _fin_

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 **Author's note:** Ok, so I saw episode 61 and I loved it _just for Goku's reaction_ and throughout I was like "ohshitohshitohshit". I am kinda saddened that no one really wrote about this – I think I saw one other persons' work. I dunno. Also, some stuff was obviously changed for the sake of _plot_ so ignore that (*cough*Chi-Chirockingupatbulma'splace*cough*andgohanlearningaboutit*hack*). Also, this is my first DB fanfic, so yeahhhh. I might've gotten some things wrong with the lore and that, seeing as it is hella confusing thanks to the amount of _transformations_ and all that stuff (honestly it's very easy to understand, if it were not for the like, 12 transformations the series has). Also, as a final note—I like Zamasu's voice a lil too much and I giggle at Black's voice because he tries to sound tough but it's like nooooo. Not workin', buddy.


End file.
